I take a size 7

I’m writing this post from sunny southern Spain. Tom and I have been out here for a week now, staying in a villa that my friend Jess’s very generous parents have kindly let us have the run of, and we fly home later today.

To feel the sunshine on my skin and to get away from the grey of London was literally just what the doctor ordered.  In our last consultation with Professor Hope he strongly urged us to take a holiday, as he has had to come up with yet another new plan and I shall soon be hit with an almighty chemo bomb. We’re rolling out the big guns because the cancer on my chest is starting to creep up towards my neck, stamping its vicious mark on my body for all to see and a couple of weeks ago I found a lump in my right breast.

Well, Professor Hope isn’t standing for it and I will be starting a large dose of Gemcitabine/Carboplatin.  I’ll have to see how I go but from my research I’m sure this isn’t going to be pretty. “You’re ok with this?” The Prof asked, and to be honest, at the time I wasn’t. The chemos I’ve been on in the last few months have been totally doable; I’ve still led a relatively normal life, but I’m worried that this one will reduce me to a flat-bound depressive.

I doubted the Prof’s decision – why couldn’t he wait to see if the current tablet chemo I’m on is working first? But as each day of the holiday passed I knew he was right and I was foolish to question him. The cancer on my skin is a fierce red shade and it’s starting to hurt; it mocks me when I look in the mirror and I need to do all I can to stop it in its tracks, even if that means the possibility of signing my life away for the next few months. I read recently somewhere that finding the right chemotherapy is a lot like buying shoes – you have to try them on first before you know if they’ll work for you. I don’t care if it’s a Louboutin, a Blahnik or a Baratts special; I just need the perfect fit.

Now that we’re on the last day of our holiday I feel ready to take it on; the cancer has had free reign for too long and it’s time to get some results – we deserve them. The new drugs are IV so I will be getting a PICC line put in my arm. I’m going to need a truck load of Valium to get me through that procedure but I know that despite the scars (mental, not physical) from the port saga, I can do it.

The holiday has also provided time to reflect. I have shed a few tears but mostly we’ve just laughed and loved each other.  Tom and I made a rule that for every hug we give each other a tumour shrinks – I reckon I’ll be cancer free by April!

Because it’s so unusual to have this disease at my age, it can feel very lonely at times.  When you see friends progressing in their chosen careers, having children, travelling to foreign places without a second thought for the quality of hospitals and it’s difficult not to feel envious. Of course I’m not alone; many bright young women with so much to offer are fighting this hideous disease; Fran, Lisa and Kris I’m thinking of you in particular, but I know there are so many more out there.

The other day I was emailed by a woman I’d met online on the Breast Cancer Care Forum. Like me, she is triple negative and has cancer in several sites. She is in her thirties with a young child, and this week she was diagnosed with brain mets. I understand her fears because they are my fears too and at times I’ve found solace in reading the stories of others sharing my experience; providing support to others even though they are suffering themselves.  Because that’s what you do isn’t it?

That’s why I was so disappointed to find out that someone on Twitter had been lying to me about having breast cancer.  She was only 19, well that was how old she claimed to be, and she started to message me for help and advice while she was supposedly going through chemo. Despite being tired and ill from chemo myself I spent time sending her messages of support – she even asked for advice when she knew I was in hospital getting my port removed.

I have since found out that this was all a lie; she hasn’t got breast cancer, she’s not giving up uni to concentrate on ‘getting better’ and she certainly wasn’t admitted to hospital for a week when she said she was – her timeline on Twitter had her complaining about a traffic jam she was stuck in.

I’m not angry with her, though it is annoying that she had the cheek to appeal to me for wise words when she knew I was going through a hard time. Mostly I just feel sorry for her and think it’s a bit weird, but as my friend Matt said, for the thousands of lovely readers I get, one oddball isn’t bad going.  And that reminds me – to all those who’ve left comments lately, I read every one and they always bring a smile to my face – please accept this heartfelt thank you.

Finally, talking of thank yous I’d like to say just that to one of the most amazing women I have ever met. My friend Miffy will be shaving her hair off next week for Professor Hope’s charity. Not only is this a massively brave and generous thing to do, it will also provide me with hair to use for a made-to-measure wig.

If I don’t end up with hair for the wedding the plan was to invest in a real-hair weave that would be stuck on; they look more realistic but it’s very expensive and quite difficult to source good hair.  Because of Miffy’s amazingness I now have the hair, and once her locks are chopped off my good friend Julie (of eyebrow tattooing fame) will get the wig made. So thank you Crow – you’re one in a million.

If you’d like to donate please go to Miffy’s page, and it’s worth a visit because in doing so you’ll get to find out Prof Hope’s real name!

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/miffygrubb1

 

 

About these ads

89 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kellie
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 10:53:03

    Always an inspiration Ellie, I’m not sure where you find the strength (but keep it coming!). I was moaning about the weather and being at work a few moments ago, but once again you’ve made me realise that life is only how you deal with the things that are thrown at you. My outlook has just changed to- my garden is going to look lush after all this rain and thank goodness I have a paid job :-).

    Sending thoughts of love, strength and energy your way!

    Kellie x

    Reply

  2. @Natalie_KateM
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 10:54:16

    I always read your blog posts and I’m so pleased you’ve managed to get away and feel some sunshine warm your bones. There’s nothing like a bit of serotonin to keep the blues away. Good luck with the new treatment, i’ll be keeping an eye on your progress and i’m looking forward to the post saying you’ve kicked it’s arse. xxx

    Reply

  3. Sam Richardson
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 10:59:09

    Ellie you are a huge insperation to so many people, keep strong chick n your always in my thoughts love to you and your family xxx

    Reply

  4. Sharon
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:00:09

    Lovely to hear that you have had a break from the more arduous treatments and grey, wintry London. Sunshine and warmth are wonderful balms. Have everything crossed that the next chemo will be the perfect size 7 for you and that you find the strength – enlivened with a little humour – to endure the less savoury aspects of it. I have been there and I know it isn’t much fun but a laugh is worth a whole heap of drugs when tackling the tumours. Keep smiling and always look for something good at the end of each day. I have a friend who is having her waist-length hair shaved off for cancer research. I’m keeping mine this time but I knitted her some hats to keep her warm during the coming Tasmanian winter as my contribution to the cause..

    Reply

  5. Mojo
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:04:08

    Ellie-best of luck for this new big battle, I’m sending you strength and love. You sound so focused again, sunshine and the love of a wonderful man certainly seems to have given you a chance to regroup yourself and that is wonderful x x
    As for that ‘twitter troll’ – Oddball isn’t the phrase I’d use….sick twisted b#%*h is a more accurate description. Shame on her.
    Off to miffys page now to donate…safe flight back and look forward to your next post. Lots and lots of love xxx

    Reply

  6. Joy
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:06:19

    Good luck, Ellie, with the ‘new plan’! Don’t feel lonely…you have so many people rooting for you. Lots of love x

    Reply

  7. Jill
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:12:34

    People amaze me sometimes…. I’m shocked and saddened that someone would stoop so low but as you always so wonderfully look on the flip side of everything there sits is your amazing friend Miffy. Surround yourself with people like her and forget the ones that take you away from getting better… Much love J

    Reply

  8. Mirjam
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:20:59

    Good luck Ellie and glad to hear you have enjoyed your holiday. Love the hug plan, I will be sending you lots too so that you will be cancer free sooner!

    Mirjam
    Xxx

    Reply

  9. Marie mcconnell
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:25:35

    So glad you enjoyed your holiday Hun, your sounding really positive and full of determination and that’s so good to hear, you are amazing and I beleive in you! We all do!

    Lots of hugs!
    Marie xxx <3

    Reply

  10. Natalie
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:25:38

    Ellie I have been reading your blog since it appeared in Grazia and well you are a super star!! Keep loving life and those around you and keep fighting this knowing you have the support of everyone (from all corners of the globe). In terms of postitive energy, that alone has got to make a difference! I am so glad I could donate to Milly’s fundraising page. I hope it goes someway to helping you and many others. Looking forward to reading your next update xxxx

    Reply

  11. Carol
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:29:34

    Hi Ellie xxx i am so pleased for you about your holiday in Spain..just what you needed..a little boost!
    What type of cancer do you have Ellie? i have just been diagnosed with Metaplastic breast cancer….a beastie i read….
    I was reading your two page story in the Daily Mail in November…when i got a ‘itch’ and a hot hot feeling in my breast…strange i thought…must be cos i’m reading about you…so i had a feel and an itch and low and behold …a lump…i went to a ‘private’ doc who said nah you havent got cancer…(after tests) we went home elated! well you would? so i find another one …a couple of months later…..and it has taken..until now to tell me what it is a bummer of a one! I still keep laughing about it….i am in total denial…i try to make some of the ladies laugh in breastcancer.org….such courageous women like you!
    Good luck with your next challenge and not long to your wedding…bless you love xxxx

    Reply

  12. Karen
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:30:33

    So glad you had a good holiday Ellie. Sunshine and rest are wonderful things for lifting the spirits. Sending you virtual hugs and good luck with the new plan. I think your friend’s fundraising idea sounds amazing. What a lovely friend to have! You take care of yourself. xxx

    Reply

  13. tracie
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:33:41

    Dear Ellie,

    This is going to work, this is the big one…..like that pair of shoes this treatment is going to slip on like a glass slipper. I know it.

    I know you are angry about the twitter person, but think of it this way see it as a positive, they are obviously lacking somewhere in their lives and whilst you may have felt that they were wasting your time in some way you were helping them out, albeit not how you would have liked…..and take the positive from it, they picked on you and you dealt with them, thus leaving some other poor person alone who may not have been as strong as you….

    Stay strong lots of hugs, every time you see that Red mark laugh at it and tell it your body is in the process of getting rid of it, and it will be gone. Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs from me xxxx

    Reply

  14. Ann
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:54:15

    Hello Ellie, thanks for your blog. I feel so angry that there are people out there who, for whatever reason, feel the need to lie – they must be very lonely and in need of some sort of psycho-analysis help or just plain evil – don’t think about that person, just think of us who read about you and, if mindful thoughts could make their way to you, I am sure we all would want to send buckets of strength. I couldn’t take my chemo (2007 – FEC) as I nearly died so decided to take my chance and see what happens, although I did have radiotherapy and herceptin for a year. Suffice to say I am still here and are grateful, in a strange kind of way, I got cancer! I have met so many great, kind, courageos people who are fighting this disease also but have the kind heartedness to respond to me and lift me up when they too are down – I am blessed if nothing else! Anyway, do whatever feels right when you start your new regime and remember we are all here for you so reach out. We all know that mind over matter is paramount on this cancer journey and I know from your experience you are a fighter. I wish you all the luck in the world and sincerely hope this evil illness gets a kick up its a..e! Love to you both. Ann (nutcracker)

    Reply

  15. nelly oneill
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:56:00

    Good luck with the new chemo… you and you doctor will find the right fit. Your blog me smile. Good luck with the hugs.

    Why do people lie about having cancer,and you gave your time. You’re such a good person unlike the deranged twitter twit.

    Reply

  16. Jan
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 11:58:07

    Hi Ellie,
    Lovely to read you both had a little break in the sun, the warmth is so soothing and relaxing isn’t it. Hope it has given you the strength for your next bout of chemo..As for shoes love, I prescribe a dirty great pair of Doc Martins so you can kick this bloody cancer into touch!!! My love and thoughts are with you and Tom, as always, and I will be willing this next bout of chemo to do the trick, and not to be too awful for you. Its all been said, but keep strong ..we are all rooting for you gorgeous girl xxx
    By the way how amazing are your friends? Have donated to help the cause xx

    Reply

  17. Georgina
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 12:02:36

    Hi Ellie,
    I have been a ‘follower’ for the last 5 months or so, and read your posts with a mixture of feelings. This is my first comment.
    Cancer has been rife in my family and loosing my mum when I was 13 years old has made me grow up with the dread.
    She too was young when she got breast cancer (34 yrs old) which then spread to bone and ended up in her brain. She died at 42 years old.
    I myself am now 33 with two beautiful children of my own and have had 3 operations for cervical cancer plus watched my father go through cancer, and survive.
    I find your thoughts soooooo amazing and respect your outlook more then you could possibly know. You amaze me with how you look at life and you make me look at my life differently….in a more positive way.
    The other day I had pain in my breast and ended up having an ‘acute imaging’ mri scan. During them popping the line in my arm (very scared of needles) I thought of my mum and all she must have gone through, and I also thought of you and how brave you are and continue to be. It made my get a grip and think how small this situation is (and how bloody soft I am) so I lay there during the scan thinking I must send you a comment to say thank you.
    So here it is….THANK YOU ELLIE!!!!!!!!!!!
    I wish you the very best in everything you do, and most of all I wish you health.
    Keep on laughing and keep hugging that wonderful man in your life.
    x

    Reply

  18. Laura S
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 12:04:27

    Hope you have a wonderful holiday. Definitely something you and Tom needed. I am hoping that the next chemo is a pair of clarks back to schools special – made to measure and ready to take on anything. As for the girl on twitter, what an oddbod. Don’t waste your energy on her and I pray that the next step is as easy as it can be.

    Reply

  19. DEBORAH MORGAN-SMITH...........Surrey
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 12:26:17

    So glad you’ve had a complete break from all that’s going on for you in the UK, it has probably healed your mind,body and soul more than you may realise.The proof will be apparent in the weeks to come when you climb and conquer a new, and unknown hill.I hope that you are still living day by day, getting something nice from each one, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem.You are living YOUR life Ellie,so each day has to have a good memory even if it has to be dragged out kicking and screaming from the mayhem of it’s constraints.If you can recognise any kind of “normality” or recognisable routine in the day, then you still have some control over your life and that is reassuring.

    Regarding the obviously unwell person who tried to get close to you,I agree with Tracie above,look for any positives that could possibly have come out of the unpleasant experience,even if it just boils down to it having distracted you for a moment here and there?Negativity and anger will drag you down and may cause you to become suspicious of genuine people whose love and support you need.

    Good Luck with the new chemo Ellie,you are never alone, you have an army of blog supporters who don’t just think about you when reading or writing on the blog. We pray for you and think of you all the time,sending you strength,faith,upliftment,and love.
    ” Everything will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end”!!!!!
    Lots of Love XXX

    Reply

  20. Helen Weekley
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 12:40:48

    Hi Ellie
    It’s years since we were at school together and I was Helen field then and cancer has affected my life so much and still is with my mum having had breast cancer and my friend currently going through very similar and how she stays strong I often wonder is a pure miracle in itself. If she can do it so can you and I think you are truly amazing.
    I always looked up to you when we were at school and you’ve proven to be a true inspiration so you go girl! I send my strength to be with you every step of the way x

    Reply

  21. Mrs Richards
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 12:51:46

    Donated, fabulous idea, new hair for you, Miffy’s hair will be all fresh and new growing back (and feel like a soft little mole, what’s not to like?) and we raise money for Prof Hope’s charity! Good times xx

    Reply

  22. Amanda
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 13:45:21

    Oh Ellie you are amazing.
    So glad that Tom and you have managed to enjoy some time away in the lovely sunshine.
    God bless

    Amanda

    Reply

  23. Sarah
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 14:12:18

    Good Luck Ellie – You truly are a very inspirational young lady and I wish you lots and lots of luck with your new plan!
    Huge Hugs
    Sarah
    xxxxx

    Reply

  24. Gary
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 14:22:52

    Ellie stop worrying about other people please use all your strength to get well. You can do it, thinking of you every day. Gary

    Reply

  25. ladyleftfieldlover
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 14:58:42

    So pleased you are having a wonderful holiday – nothing like a bit of sunshine! This should prepare you for the next step of Professor Hope’s plan – I do like a man with a plan. Not long to go to the wedding now and it will be so beautiful. Just love the idea of the hair. Sorry about the oddball twitter person. My only personal experience of cancer is when my grandmother had breast cancer and my brother (a teenager at the time) took her, not grapes, but a melon when she was in hospital. Conjured up all sorts of weird thoughts.

    Reply

  26. Linda Ann McCrea
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 15:03:07

    Ellie &Tom,
    Words fail me with your superb outlook .Hope the sun shines on you all the time not just in Spain.
    I agree with all the shoe analogies /comments eg Glass slipper is sweet.
    School shoes ready to take on anything is tough and fearless and a big pair of Dr Martens to pound any bad thing (the cancer invasion ) into a million little pieces.To add to this list,I tentatively suggest a nice brightly , coloured pair of wellyboots to kick and scrape away the mud, that is cancer . Love you and God`s RICHEST Blessings always. God is the Great Physician of the Soul.

    Reply

  27. lyonsemi
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 15:23:23

    That is what you do, Ellie. You put your thoughts and care out there (sadly to someone who didn’t need or deserve it!) and it’s come back to you in the form of sincere generosity from a good friend who wants you to look beautiful for your wedding even if it makes her temporarily bald. You deserve every drop of good stuff that comes your way and with friends like yours, even the toughest chemo regimen doesn’t stand a chance of keeping you down. Good luck! We’re out here cheering for you.
    Emily

    Reply

  28. Ruth
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 15:43:02

    Lovely to hear from you Ellie and so glad you had a lovely time in Spain. Just ignore that sad sad person (attention seeker). Every one else following you genuinely admire and respect you so onward to your wedding. x

    Reply

  29. Alan Charnock
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 15:47:22

    If anyone deserved a holiday its you, ignore the girl on twitter some people just need attention no matter if there are wasting important time of others. Keep up the hugs Tom and shrink that tumour. Like I’ve said before I’m not religious but Ill be praying for you.

    Reply

  30. Dave Hollingdale
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:07:01

    Hi Young Ellie marvellous positive post well done you. I shan’t dwell on the twitter idiot cos she aint worth it.
    You will keep battlng my friend cos its all you know. You are a great person who must inspire many ellie. Me I’m 65 living my life in good health. Justice and fairness ? hell I don’t know.

    Take care you and all Dave

    Reply

  31. Julia
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:11:01

    Dear Ellie

    You really are an inspiration.

    I do have breast cancer (it sickened me to read that someone would lie to you about that) and began reading your blog after it featured in a Vita magazine online link. I’m just getting over the effects of chemo number 5 and hope to be finished radiotherapy in early May, so I have some understanding of what you’ve been through. You do, however, give me a different perspective on life when reading your blog. Although I feel very young myself, I’m actually 19 years older than you and realise how precious those healthy years were and how I’ve been more fortunate than you and those other very young women in the same situation.

    I read on the Breast Cancer Care forum about some reasearch that showed there is a significant increase in survival for cancer patients who have a lot of emotional support. Although there’s a bit more to the research than that, I reckon between Tom, your family, friends and all the people out here who just know you from your blog but who care about you and send you their support you should be onto a winner. And if Lance Armstrong could beat it and go on to win the Tour de France, then you can too (I’ll settle for you beating the cancer, I’m not expecting you to become a cycling champion).

    It also makes a tremendous difference when you have such a positive oncologist who will stop at nothing to find you a cure.

    I’m glad you and Tom have had a nice holiday in the sun and at least we’re on the right side winter and, weather permitting, have lots of sunny days to look forward to. It’s so lovely to see everything springing to life and the birds so happily chattering and busily nest building.

    So, keep up with your positive outlook and determination. I look forward to hearing that you have indeed found the ‘glass slipper’ that fits you and seeing some of your wedding photos on your blog in due course (that’s if you don’t mind sharing them with your blog followers).

    With my very best wishes.
    Julia

    Reply

    • Georgina
      Apr 14, 2012 @ 11:50:13

      Hi Julia,
      I have just read your comment on Ellies site and just felt i should wish you good luck, happiness and hope for the future too. I hope you dont mind the intrusion.
      Keep smiling!
      Georgina

      Reply

  32. alison
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:17:28

    Hi, just wanted to say hello and reading your blog made me laugh and feel sad together. I was told xmas 2011 i had stage 3 breast Cancer and they said it “didn’t look good”
    I have had three of my six chemo’s and have shrunk by 50%.
    I get up everyone and put a smile on my face even though it’s hard too. I know i have a greater chance of mets than other’s so i try and live life to the full with my three girls and grumpy hubby.
    My chemo arm is F**k so i’m having a line put in and next day chemo, what joy.
    Sending you love and hugs
    Alison

    Reply

  33. Catherine
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:21:48

    When I read your blog I sometimes feel like an oddball…I am in awe of you, sometimes I wonder if I expect too much of you. Whenever life seems rough I come straight to your blog and read any of your posts and they fill me with such realistic optimism. Ellie you are an absolute star and I am certain you are touching so many people’s lives in the most amazing ways. I am waiting and willing the post that talks about Prof Hope’s news that you are in remission. Again keep on being you! xxx

    Reply

  34. Helen Foulds
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 16:33:00

    Hi Ellie,
    Good to hear you are enjoying the sunshine and getting some well deserved rest. Sure the chemo might be a struggle, but if it gets you going in the right direction (and mr nasty chest cancer shrinking away into his oblivion) then it will all be worth it.
    I always focussed on the fun stuff to come after my chemo sessions and you have loads to look forward to, including your wonderful wedding, an amazing wig with free reign to do what you want with it (most girl’s hair dream), and lots of normal followers who would gladly contribute towards making your life more fun in the weeks, months, years to come!
    As for the person who lied to you, I’m really sorry you had to experience that. Sadly there are deluded or lonely people in the world who feel the need to reach out for others support. Keep your chin up though, as I am sure for every silly individual, your blog reaches out and helps thousands of others.
    Best wishes and love to you and Tom – keep smiling xxx

    Reply

  35. LynDee
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 17:01:10

    Dear Ellie,
    I have been checking on ur new updates every other day since i came across ur blog when ur news published in the news. Ellie keep up the strong will, u r very near to ur wedding date. U just need a little boost. See? U hv been living past the first prediction by the docs,mcorrect me if im wrong. Glad to hear that u heed prof Hope’s advise to go for a break out of the town. I am anxious to hear ur news n hoping i do see happy entry in this blog everytime i open it. How can i add u in facebook if u r more active there? I love to hear abt ur updates, be assured u hv my prayers…
    LynDee, Malaysia

    Reply

  36. LynDee
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 17:02:43

    Oh, i have been wanting to leave u a message, but finally glad to do so today. Take care. Miracle do happens…

    Reply

  37. Sally
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 18:00:41

    I check back very regularly to see how you are getting on and I read your up-dates with total mixed feeling.. you must hear it so much but you are totally an inspiration to young women no actually to anybody going through what you are… I read it with great sadness to see that you are going through it. my mum’s body was taken over by cancer as you speak you can see it mocking you…we gave up as a family with the fight because we couldn’t take any more stopped all drugs and let it take a hold…I highly regret that but my mum is out of pain and looks after me everyday in my heart… but most of all I read it with so much hope..you are a brave girl who gives people like me hope that someone can beat this horrible disease and stick their two fingers up to the world. you word it in a way that makes me understand more of what my mum when through she was only 34 a young woman with her whole life ahead just like you…
    So keep smiling sweetheart you will beat it!! you will look back in years to come at this time of your life a know that you can do anything life throws at you… you family should be so proud of you. (sorry i’m not as good a writing as you, i should have listened at school :-))
    xx

    Reply

  38. grahaemep
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 18:26:08

    I’ll certainly send a donation Ellie.
    It’s great that you’ve managed to fortify yourself with a holiday, prior to taking on your next hurdle.
    It’s also so very heartening to read of the support from your true friends, what a wonderful story about the wig, and how novel for that to be your “something borrowed” at your wedding.
    It speaks volumes about you and your wonderful, compassionate, character that you are able to deal with the disappointment caused by the girl who lied to you in the magnanimous way that you have.
    Good luck Ellie, keep your spirits up and never forget that, despite the odd “bad apple”, you are surrounded by love and prayers.
    As ever my prayers will go out for you Ellie (and also for the girl who lied to you that she might understand the reasons for her deception, and the potential damage that she could do with such actions, and change her ways), but mostly for you Ellie, and for the people who surround you with love, and those who treat you.
    Love and God bless you.

    Grahaeme.

    Reply

  39. natalie
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 18:26:17

    Hi Ellie, you do make me chuckle with your posts comparing chemo to designer shoes….you have a lovely way with words, I really hope you do find the perfect fit. Glad you have had fun in Spain and enjoyed the sun shine….we had weird snow at the weekend. Alarmed to hear about your fake twitter cancer victim, I went to school with a girl who claimed to have cancer when she didn’t, very sad really. Gonna sponsor your amazing friend, you are going to have one fantastic wig. I know it’s weird I don’t know you but I’m excited for your wedding! x

    Reply

  40. Amy
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 18:28:01

    You are a truly amazing and inspirational human being! Thank you for sharing you story with us total strangers. You are on my mind and in my heart!

    Reply

  41. Heather Prouse
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 19:18:23

    Hi Ellie. Im so pleased you enjoyed your holiday in the sun. You are a truly inspirational young lady. Keep your chin up sweetheart and Im sure you will give the new treatment a good shot. You are one tough lady!! I wish you all the luck in the world. Xxxx. Ps please say hello to your lovely mum.We miss her.xxxxx

    Reply

  42. Christine
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 19:40:20

    Delighted you have gone on holidays. Whenever i have a bad day at work and then read your blog it brings it into focus for me, whats important in life. Thank you for that
    .
    Take care

    Reply

  43. Rae
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 20:47:36

    You’re a great writer, a sweet person, and has deservingly found an audience. Unfortunately, this combination does bring some of the crazies out who will try to latch onto you to try and gain some of your popularity (as if you ever would choose to become popular in this way). We had a girl who lived near me who fulled everyone for almost a year into believing she had cancer and then the whole thing ended up being a lie, so all the money people donated was wasted (she was fined for it, but I doubt she had the money to pay).

    Long story short, don’t let the crazies bring you down and save your energy for yourself when you need it! It’s okay to be selfish sometimes and just tell people no. Keeping my thoughts with you!

    Reply

  44. Katy
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 21:20:31

    Hi Ellie, I was glad to hear from you today. I often wonder what you are going through between posts and hope that when you do write you haven’t been having an awful time of it. Great to hear you were having a holiday and have re-fueled with some more fighting spirit. Want so much for you to have that fabulous future you deserve. Take care and good luck with your upcoming treatment xx

    Reply

  45. Elizabeth
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 21:52:05

    Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the odd glass or two of lovely Spanish Rioja on holiday. Wishing you strength and love for the coming weeks.xx

    Reply

  46. Rebecca W
    Mar 07, 2012 @ 22:06:04

    Tomorrow I am going to spend the whole day playing with my kids, I will not pick up a duster or plug in the Hoover, the ironing mountain will remain unconquered. On Friday, when I go back to work, I shall introduce a new rule that says the job is secondary – our nearest and dearest are more important. Once again you have reminded me how those days in the sun, those hugs, that laughter, is so important. You have reminded me how blessed I am, how precious those I love are, the only things wrong with my body are the ones my own vanity have created.

    You’re a wonderful, strong woman. You could’ve just got more and more bitter but instead you chose to put your energy not into hate, but into positivity, into fight. I bloody hope this next round of chemo gives your cancer a big smack across the face and sends it reeling into submission.

    Reply

  47. Rachel u
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 00:38:17

    Me again. Do the chemo and just hold on I know it’s so easy to say
    But I,m with you (melanomas a bugger) love you and what you are doing to change things my sweet x

    Reply

  48. Zoe springbett
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 00:38:32

    Hello lovely Ellie. I’ve just been to Miffy’s page and donated- what a great idea?! I love the name Miffy too! Sorry I have not posted for a while, I ALWAYS read your blogs but sometimes what other people write is exactly what I’d say. Anyway, I hope you know how much I, and so many others think about you and wish you strength. I love your tumour shrinking hug rule- brilliant and I bet it’ll work!
    As for that Twitter Twat- what a total loser! Lots of love to you xxxxxx

    Reply

  49. Renée
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 01:58:51

    You are such an insperation. Your positive energy just burtst at me everytime I read your blog and I am so impressed by how you’re dealing with this horrible situation. I don’t even know you, and still I believe in you. If anyone can beat this thing – it’s you. I’ve been suffering from depression for a while, but know that if I could summon up half the courage you have, I’d be more than fine.

    Thank you for being so strong and such an amazing role model – you put us all to shame.

    Loads of Love and Admiration!!

    Reply

  50. elaine young (@elaineayoung)
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 09:04:12

    Dear Ellie, I want to say how much I admire you and in particular your ability to write such interesting and uplifting articles while having to make such big decisions. I am an oncologist and although I have met many patients with your courage over the years, you are perhaps unique in being able to put into words how you feel so eloquently.
    You shouldn’t lose your hair with gem/carbo so let’s hope it works. Brilliant advice from Prof Hope about taking the holiday, I hope you come back thoroughly relaxed,
    With love
    E

    Reply

  51. Maud
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 11:53:01

    Ellie,
    Can I send you positive fibes for the next chemo treatment? U are so brave and taking on so much at your age. I think of you everyday and although I do not pray I send my own little prayer to you every day.
    May the next couple of weeks not be to harsh for you, think only of the beautiful moments when it gets rough, think of Tom and now the beautiful time you had in Spain. I am so proud of you.

    Reply

  52. Josephine
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 14:53:00

    Ellie,

    Not commented before but have been following your journey and inspired every time I read a new post to remember how privileged some of us are to have health and make the most of it every day. Take nothing for granted and take every opportunity.

    Friends like Miffy are amazing – what a wonderful thing to do. Have donated to her – and the fantastic cause – and sending you hundreds of positive thoughts and vibes that the big bang Chemo works it’s magic and is a perfect size 7.

    Reply

  53. Jennieflorist
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 19:19:17

    Hi Ellie

    Haven’t commented I for a while, still reading your blog though, I just wanted to say best of luck with your chemo, I have everything crossed for you, and I am sure that in a few weeks time the tables will turn and you will get some good news…..just in time for you wedding! I would luuurrrvve to know what flowers you are having…. ????? (dont worry I meet enough brides to that it’s all top secret)!!! Again though, best of luck with your treatment. xx

    Jennie.xxx

    Reply

  54. Rebecca
    Mar 08, 2012 @ 20:57:05

    Hi Ellie

    I haven’t commented in a while, but keeping up to date with you and thinking of you often! I am wishing you all the best in your next phase of treatment! I also think HUGS are the best! Hug away! And I hope my Spanish peeps were good to you! ;-) xx

    Rebecca ♥

    Reply

  55. Shelly
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 00:46:05

    Sending positive vibes your way, Ellie. I hope the break was just what you needed. Best. xx

    Reply

  56. Philippa
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 08:56:52

    Of course, I will donate! Miffy’s bravery needs to be rewarded. I also had a look into your oncologist – an incredibly intelligent man with excellent credentials and the right attitude it seems – you are in very good hands. With so many “not so great” doctors out there, it is always such a privilege to stumble across a fantastic one for your own healthcare.

    I have a lot of hope for your upcoming chemo. I hope it is a good fit for fighting your cancer. I wish you all the best and that the oncologist who commented above is right and you don’t lose your hair.

    Regarding the Twitter person – most of us, including yourself, can feel thankful that we are not that type of person and have enough love and meaning in our lives that we don’t need to make our lives up to serve whatever purpose. Hopefully you didn’t invest any more than was safe to lose, providing support and advice when asked, but that’s all. Now you don’t have to waste any more time on her.

    Glad you have enjoyed your holiday in Spain! Wishing you all the best. So happy all our comments make you smile, that just motivates me to keep commenting! :) I’m sure that thousands more people read and care equally, but don’t comment!

    Reply

  57. justin
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 08:57:15

    Ellie, thank you for your blog, it’s a real privilege to hear your story, the sincerity, humour and sadness you share. You are inspiring

    I wish you the very best, its just not fair. You deserve some luck. Fingers crossed this next regime is your perfect fit.

    Reply

  58. sue
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 09:57:53

    Hi Ella, just going of to Christies with my partners ex-wife for her yearly checkup, this makes it 6 years since her cancer, it’s so hard to believe thinking back to those so very dark days when she was so ill (there where two young confused and frightened children who were terrified that there Mum was going to die as well) and all the heartache, tears and dispair that we all went through and how so very ill Beth was that there could ever have been a light at the end of the tunnel! there was!! I’ll have a little prayer for you while we’re waiting and give you a toast with our coffeee and cakes afterwards! Big hugs and love to you Ellie, am sure that you’ll get to the end of your tunnel! xx

    Reply

  59. Amanda Power
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 12:39:44

    ELLIE:

    Exceptional
    Lady
    Living
    Inspiration
    Ellie

    I threw flowers into the sea for you after your last blog in February because although I don’t know you I needed to feel like I was doing something for you. I sent both the universe and you a wish. I will continue to do this for you – it’s my way of supporting someone like me – young, starting out in life, so much to live for – with cancer.

    With love always
    Amanda Power – Cape Town

    Reply

  60. Connie
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 14:26:54

    Ellie – so glad to hear some news from you….though it makes me sad and frightened….for I know that if it was me I would be in a very bad place…..your strength and courage humbles me. I have no great words to offer you….only love across the air waves and I hope that your professor comes through for you…..keep going strong girl.

    Reply

  61. nana
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 17:39:30

    Hi Ellie,

    I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and you really inspire me. I’m not a doctor but I follow a show called doctors. I’m not sure if you know about the treatment but I apologise if you already do.

    Its a laser treatment used in the states verrry new . It heats the cancer tumor and kill it with high temperature. It doesn’t cure but reduces new and existing growth.

    I’m a natural nurturer and couldn’t help share this with you, a father who didn’t qualify for a lever transplant because of severe cancer spread was out of the hospital after three days. I’m cheering for you and thank you for sharing your story.

    Reply

  62. Helen
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 19:35:29

    Another geat blog entry Ellie, and a holiday, woop woop!! Glad you had a relaxing time with Tom. What fantastic friends you have, and so many followers cheering you on! And your Prof is amazing, lucky you!
    Loads of hugs winging therir way to you xxx

    Reply

  63. Joan Zia
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 22:04:38

    Dear brave friend,
    Your endurance and fighting spirit make me feel ashamed of my own worrying, for far far lesser problems!
    You inspire me so much, I am honoured to know you. You deserve a Medal
    Truly, you must have a kind of Guardian Angel beside you – and I believe that.
    You are in safe hands. God bless,
    Lots of prayers and love,
    Joan xxxxx

    Reply

  64. Marianna
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 23:44:19

    Lots of positive thoughts and love to you, remarkable Ellie.
    Marianna xxxxxx

    Reply

  65. JanBoehm
    Mar 10, 2012 @ 13:50:26

    I am booking flights to see you in June this weekend. I can’t wait. I loved seeing the pics of you two in Ronda, Spain….such a pretty place. I will try and catch you o skype in the next days….Love. Jan

    Reply

  66. Chris
    Mar 11, 2012 @ 01:02:26

    I keep coming back to this blog and I am humbled every time. You are amazing.

    Reply

  67. Jessi
    Mar 11, 2012 @ 16:32:12

    You’re amazing, as usual. :D

    I must admit to being a bit confused when I Googled Professor Hope. I’d had this picture in my head of a wizened old professor, à`la Dumbledore… so young looking! Made me giggle!

    Reply

  68. M
    Mar 11, 2012 @ 19:28:56

    Ellie, I’ve been following your blog for quite some time, but I’ve never commented before. I just hope you know that you are an inspiration to so many people and that you are in my prayers.

    Reply

  69. Callum
    Mar 11, 2012 @ 22:54:48

    Your and inspiration to us all!! Get all the hugs you can! Your a beautiful person never give up we all love you and your in our thoughts always. Xxxxx

    Reply

  70. Ger
    Mar 11, 2012 @ 23:40:16

    Please keep fighting, Ellie. You are an inspiration. Looking forward to reading all about your recovery soon. You will beat this x

    Reply

  71. Ellen
    Mar 12, 2012 @ 04:51:25

    My dearest Ellie: I was so happy to know that you were in the south of Spain. I know from experience that it is a most magical place. It is a place where the sun dries your tears, where the darkness in your heart once again becomes light and bright, where the fogginess clears and your vision once again becomes clear again.

    I am so grateful to the parents of your friend giving you this special gift that seems to have done all of the above for you. When you become weary, the best thing is for you to get away from it so you can focus again.

    You are there. Ellie, ready to go on with your battle! We are all by your side, pushing you forward, helping what little we can just by letting you know that we are with you every step of the way.

    All I can say is what I always say, “you go girl, you keep kicking ass”

    Elleigh Bene Vita

    Reply

  72. Phyllis Elias
    Mar 12, 2012 @ 11:25:08

    Ellie, I just want to say what a wonderful inspiration you must be to any person, male or female, going through this ordeal. My thoughts and prayers are with you all the way, and I am sure that someone up there just HAS to be listening to all the thousands of prayers being said on your, and others, behalf. Much love to you.

    Reply

  73. Joanne
    Mar 13, 2012 @ 12:18:26

    Good Luck with the fund raising, what an awesome friend you have!! I will pass the link onto my friends aswell. Good luck with the PICC line, will be thinking of you!
    Joanne In Oz XXXXXXXXXXXX

    (And if the Twitter nut Job is reading this – Take a long hard look in the mirror and have a word with yourself!!!!)

    Reply

  74. Jessica Crawford
    Mar 13, 2012 @ 14:14:04

    Really hope your time in Spain gave you chance to recharge your batteries and get ready to continue your treatment. I’ve just come back from Spain, it’s amazing how a bit of sunshine can perk you up. I’ve just donated on Miffys page. What an amazing friend, certainly made me feel guilty about having “a bad hair day”. As always I am thinking about you and wishing you all the best with the next round of treatment xxxxx

    Reply

  75. Tina
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 11:10:38

    Hey Ellie
    Just wanted to wish you good luck for today if you are still starting gem-carb. Hope the pucc fitting went ok and u are feeling fit+ well ready to fight the good fight. U can do it :)
    Thinking of you + hoping the new treatment works as well 4u as it did for me (NED please- U deserve it!).
    Much love, Tina xxx
    p.s. What a wonderful friend you have in Miffy. One in a million without a doubt x

    Reply

  76. vicky hoffmeister
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 18:44:03

    You are a amazing young women and this blog gives hope to all the people going through what you are. Im keeping everything crossed for you that your treatment works and you prove evthe doctors wrong.
    lots of love and luck coming your way x

    Reply

  77. Alex
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 18:56:19

    Ellie,

    Just read an article in the Evening Standard and looked up your blog. What an inspiration you are! I lost a very close friend in January to cervical cancer, my mum lost a friend of hers a few weeks ago to skin cancer. I just want to send you a big hug and strong positive vibes because you are amazing!

    My husband ran the Edinburgh marathon last year for cancer research in memory of his nan raising just over £2,000 and a friend from work is running the London marathon this year and has already raised £2,500 for cancer research. So please don’t ever think you are on your own fighting this horrible nasty shit that is cancer coz you’re not!

    Best wishes

    Alex

    Reply

  78. Agi
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 19:36:17

    Now Ellie listen to me! I can’t say I’m in the same shoes.., but pretty much I am! Starting second chemo in 2 weeks and my sister has also offered me her hair to have a wig made!!! Oh and have I told you that me and my fiancé were planning to get married in June also… That’s just unbelievable! Would be lovely to catch up, I’m going to Charing Cross as well. I’m sure you have my email address so PLEASE contact me when you get a chance. Finally, just remember this: God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. This is from my fiancé and has been my wallpaper on my phone since the first day I started my treatment last year, thought you might like it. Keep strong girl!! Lots of love x x

    Reply

  79. Chris Garner
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 20:13:17

    I saw your article in the Evening Standard and have started reading your blog and what you are going through is unimaginable but with or without hair you have such a positive smile, such a stunning face and you are doing something for so many, you’re talking about it. Keep it up Dolls, you are great. Live, love and laugh darling. Xoxo Chris

    Reply

  80. kate
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 00:06:19

    Hello Ellie,

    I was on the bus today reading an article about you and your lovely sounding friend who is donating her hair to you for your wedding in the Evening Standard. It only really caught my eye because my father has recently been diagnosed (though not 100%) with suspected prostate cancer. It’s been such a trumatic experience for my family, my dad is in his 70’s and i’m terrified i’ll lose him. My mother died when I was 15, so i’m now facing the prospect of having no parents left at all and i’m newly 21 years old.

    I have read so much stuff on the internet about cancer; admittedly I can’t say i’m very familiar with any of it at all. But after reading the short article about you in the evening standard and I thought i’d check out your blog. I started at the beginning intending to read a few posts – a hour or two later, i’ve read the whole lot. My god you have been through the wars, you are the most inspirational person, you really are. It’s given me so much more hope and postivity when thinking about my own father’s situation. Of course, there are not many paralells, but I guess the cancer (or suspected cancer) is a start. I’m in my final few weeks of university studying a philosophy degree and trying to write my disserattion, whilst being the sole carer of my father who also has chronic emphasema and broncitus. It’s been a terribily stressful period of my life and i’m struggeling to stay positive. But reading this, has geniunely helped me and I cannot thank you enough.

    We visited a cancer-specific ward the other day to meet a specialist; this was the most terrorfiying place i have ever encountered. The people waiting to be seen, the colours of the walls, the radio-therapy grey coloured heavy duty doors – I was wheeling my dad along in his chair and I couldn’t stop my legs from shaking uncontroleby. All the while I was trying to makle light hearted coversation with him. I’m so angry with myself – there are no words I can muster that can provide him with any comfort. So I guess I just wanted to tell you this, don’t even know why – maybe beause I feel like i have nobody else to share it with. But you, at your young age, have given me hope when I couldn’t see any. Your love for your soon to be husband shines through every word you write, and it’s beautiful to read. I can honestly give myself a reason to get up in the morning now, I am very lucky (although it does not feel like it all the time) that It is not me with any serious health problems.

    You are truely beautiful, strong, and inspirational. I wish you all the hope in the world for a sucessful recovery; and when i think there is no hope, I will always think of you – because you have broken every rule in the book and have come out the other side still fighting. I wish you a happy and long marriage,

    All my love and regards,
    Kate (The girl from North London)
    :)

    xx

    Reply

    • Ellie Jeffery
      Mar 15, 2012 @ 00:21:53

      There is always hope Kate. I’m no expert on prostate cancer but the few people I know who have it live good quality lives for years after diagnosis. From your message you sound like you have the strength to deal with the coming months. Remember to get support for yourself too – Maggies in Hammersmith are fantastic and I can’t recommend them enough but I’m sure there will be places in North London too – try calling Macmillan for advice on that and any other questions you have. Sending lots of love and healthy wishes to your dad xx

      Reply

  81. Liz Cole (@lizbethsc)
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 00:43:19

    Hi Ellie, I found your blog this evening after reading an article about Miffy donating her hair (what a star!). I started reading from August 2010 and here I am in March 2011…and here you are too. I’m sorry that I don’t have any profound words to offer, and after reading your blog anything I can say will pale in comparison, yet I felt I couldn’t just spend the evening reading about your journey and not let you know that I am thinking of you (and Tom) and believe that if anyone can beat cancer then you can. Your positive thinking and fighting spirit is truly inspirational and I wish you all the best. Lots of love, Liz xxx

    Reply

  82. Shubhra
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 00:50:08

    Hello lovely lady!

    I saw your article today in the Evening Standard on my very long & boring commute home. I was moved by your friend’s kind gesture and just your positivity that it made my day. I wish you and your partner all the very best.

    In Punjabi there’s a phrase: Jadoo Ki Jhappi” (“magical hug). I hope you have many more of these Jadoo Ki Jhappis from your partner so you may be cancer free by April :)

    Reply

  83. Patty
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 00:51:55

    Hi Ellie, I just want to say that I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer in July 2011 and I have been reading your blog and it is such an inspiration to me. I just wanted to give you a doctor’s name that I came across in Texas (USA) Dr. Kruzynski who supposedly cures cancer. I thought you might be interested in checking him out. Best Wishes and God Bless !

    Reply

  84. Kate
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 12:01:23

    I came across your blog after reading about you on daily mail. Your openness, honesty and strength is so refreshing and inspiring. I also have struggled through a triple negative breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 31 and continue to deal with it every day. Am trying to stay positive and your attitude in the face of so much adversity makes me less afraid. You are one hell of an opponent for that crap cancer. Hugs from norway

    Reply

  85. amg123
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 12:25:30

    I also saw the article of you and your friend in the evening standard. You both look beautiful!! I have just read your blog which is brilliant. You should write a book!! You are an inspiration!! Keep strong xxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply

  86. Elisa
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 18:17:03

    Ellie it is always a joy to read your words, you are such a brilliant writer.

    …a picture of Spain for your readers?

    Stay strong, winner.

    Elisa

    Reply

  87. JennyB
    Mar 15, 2012 @ 21:11:12

    Ellie,

    Just read the article in the daily mail, I hope you know everyone in the North East is praying for you! You went to school with my husband and we were so shocked when we heard!

    Jenny

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,660 other followers

%d bloggers like this: